My definition of love has changed a lot through my 20s. At 26, this has honestly been the year with the most ups and downs. I want to preface that I regret nothing. All the heartbreaks balanced out all the beautiful moments. All the beautiful moments with the wrong men.
There is no guide for love. There is no guide on how to be a successful well functioning adult. We don’t come with manuals. We are our own universes with our own demons just trying to figure it all out. Trying to understand others while most are too afraid to understand themselves.
I think I finally understand what God has been trying to teach me.
I must forgive my Father.
My Father is a great man who was dealt a hard deck as a boy. Trying to figure it out by himself as a young man with no support in his home country, then dropped in the middle of a new country with even less. He has also been hurt. He is also human. I carry a lot of pain and even some anger, but I’ve decided to have a conversation with him before the end of the year. It’s time.
The lesson is to forgive him so I can forgive myself. Only then, after I’ve mended that crucial relationship, will I finally be able to let go.
My Father is my first love, and it’s taken years and awareness to understand that he didn’t mean to hurt me. He and my Mother were both just doing the best they could to be great parents. I forgive them. I love them.
I’m currently hurting, but I’m proud and thankful for my family. While many have entered and left my life, they have always been by my side. My greatest support after God.
I’ve decided to allow you all even more of an intimate look at my life. Why? So that maybe it can help yours.
I’m always here to listen.
Gabriela A Tejada
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All images were taken by me unless stated otherwise.